I'm a stress mess. A total basket case. Keya inspired me with the real-ness of her posts, so here I am with my flaws exposed - getting it off my chest.
I tend to think negatively unless I'm consciously trying to be positive.
My husband got into a car accident yesterday. He was at a stop sign and thought he was clear to go, but he wasn't. The car he didn't see slammed right into his driver side door. He's pretty sure our car is totaled. The lady he pulled out in front of was driving an older car that wasn't damaged much at all. She broke her ankle and got a bloody nose (she wasn't wearing a seat belt). Her kids (who were belted) were, thankfully, fine.
I'd like to say that my first thoughts were those of gratitude. I'd like to say that I was immediately grateful for Tony's safety (he's battered and bruised, but that's all) and that he didn't seriously injure anyone. Instead all I could think of was worry that the lady would sue us and how I was going to have to be inconvenienced by giving up my car so Tony could still get to work. And never mind that we have no extra money for vehicle purchasing right now. What I need to do is sit back and just take things as they come. And take each challenge one at a time without fussing over the ones that haven't even occurred.
So - that's one of my stresses. The biggest one is Elle, though. The little stinker has colic (I think I've already mentioned this). It's not her fault but I still get so frustrated with her because I'm functioning on an average of 4 hours a night. So, not always thinking clearly here. It's really starting to wear on me. I don't think I'd mind it as much if she was just up and occasionally crying, but we're talking about inconsolable screaming. For HOURS. I know it's just a phase but for some reason, at night, I feel so alone, pointless, and like a crap mom because I can't get her to stop. Nothing I do helps her stop screaming, but based off what I've read about colic, that's normal. Seriously though, it doesn't feel normal at 4am after listening to it for 4+ hours. Really, if I could just figure out what makes her happy and calm down (just ordered a bouncy seat to see if she likes that) then I'd feel a little less like a failure where she's concerned.
Next stress - whooping cough is going around in our community. And Britt just started coughing. She's been tested (took her in to the doctor today), but we won't get results back until Thursday. Meanwhile, the poor thing appears to have a respiratory infection and is on antibiotics (mostly for Elle's sake).
And I have to pack and move and pretend like I'm not dying of sleep deprivation and and and and!!!!!!
If this post makes you feel sad or depressed, I apologize. Newborns are hard. But they don't stay new forever. And right now, I am very grateful for that. :)
Well, here's me ending this blog on a positive note:
I'm grateful my husband is safe and sound and that he didn't kill anyone.
I'm grateful for Elle's growth and that she won't have colic for the rest of her life.
I'm grateful for Britt's sweet smile even when she is sick.
I'm grateful for Ash's growing vocabulary and all the funny things she says that make me laugh.
I'm grateful for my family because I'd be insane right now without their constant help.
I'm grateful we've got good car insurance.
I'm grateful for all the worldy possessions we have and am going to be seriously getting rid of a lot of it so I don't have to pack it!
I tend to think negatively unless I'm consciously trying to be positive.
My husband got into a car accident yesterday. He was at a stop sign and thought he was clear to go, but he wasn't. The car he didn't see slammed right into his driver side door. He's pretty sure our car is totaled. The lady he pulled out in front of was driving an older car that wasn't damaged much at all. She broke her ankle and got a bloody nose (she wasn't wearing a seat belt). Her kids (who were belted) were, thankfully, fine.
I'd like to say that my first thoughts were those of gratitude. I'd like to say that I was immediately grateful for Tony's safety (he's battered and bruised, but that's all) and that he didn't seriously injure anyone. Instead all I could think of was worry that the lady would sue us and how I was going to have to be inconvenienced by giving up my car so Tony could still get to work. And never mind that we have no extra money for vehicle purchasing right now. What I need to do is sit back and just take things as they come. And take each challenge one at a time without fussing over the ones that haven't even occurred.
So - that's one of my stresses. The biggest one is Elle, though. The little stinker has colic (I think I've already mentioned this). It's not her fault but I still get so frustrated with her because I'm functioning on an average of 4 hours a night. So, not always thinking clearly here. It's really starting to wear on me. I don't think I'd mind it as much if she was just up and occasionally crying, but we're talking about inconsolable screaming. For HOURS. I know it's just a phase but for some reason, at night, I feel so alone, pointless, and like a crap mom because I can't get her to stop. Nothing I do helps her stop screaming, but based off what I've read about colic, that's normal. Seriously though, it doesn't feel normal at 4am after listening to it for 4+ hours. Really, if I could just figure out what makes her happy and calm down (just ordered a bouncy seat to see if she likes that) then I'd feel a little less like a failure where she's concerned.
Next stress - whooping cough is going around in our community. And Britt just started coughing. She's been tested (took her in to the doctor today), but we won't get results back until Thursday. Meanwhile, the poor thing appears to have a respiratory infection and is on antibiotics (mostly for Elle's sake).
And I have to pack and move and pretend like I'm not dying of sleep deprivation and and and and!!!!!!
If this post makes you feel sad or depressed, I apologize. Newborns are hard. But they don't stay new forever. And right now, I am very grateful for that. :)
(britt-britt playing in a puddle)
Well, here's me ending this blog on a positive note:
I'm grateful my husband is safe and sound and that he didn't kill anyone.
I'm grateful for Elle's growth and that she won't have colic for the rest of her life.
I'm grateful for Britt's sweet smile even when she is sick.
I'm grateful for Ash's growing vocabulary and all the funny things she says that make me laugh.
I'm grateful for my family because I'd be insane right now without their constant help.
I'm grateful we've got good car insurance.
I'm grateful for all the worldy possessions we have and am going to be seriously getting rid of a lot of it so I don't have to pack it!
