Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Today I Needed to Take a Chill Pill.

I'm a stress mess.  A total basket case.  Keya inspired me with the real-ness of her posts, so here I am with my flaws exposed - getting it off my chest. 

I tend to think negatively unless I'm consciously trying to be positive.

My husband got into a car accident yesterday.  He was at a stop sign and thought he was clear to go, but he wasn't.  The car he didn't see slammed right into his driver side door.  He's pretty sure our car is totaled.  The lady he pulled out in front of was driving an older car that wasn't damaged much at all.  She broke her ankle and got a bloody nose (she wasn't wearing a seat belt).  Her kids (who were belted) were, thankfully, fine. 

I'd like to say that my first thoughts were those of gratitude.  I'd like to say that I was immediately grateful for Tony's safety (he's battered and bruised, but that's all) and that he didn't seriously injure anyone.  Instead all I could think of was worry that the lady would sue us and how I was going to have to be inconvenienced by giving up my car so Tony could still get to work.  And never mind that we have no extra money for vehicle purchasing right now.  What I need to do is sit back and just take things as they come.  And take each challenge one at a time without fussing over the ones that haven't even occurred.

So - that's one of my stresses.  The biggest one is Elle, though.  The little stinker has colic (I think I've already mentioned this).  It's not her fault but I still get so frustrated with her because I'm functioning on an average of 4 hours a night.  So, not always thinking clearly here.  It's really starting to wear on me.  I don't think I'd mind it as much if she was just up and occasionally crying, but we're talking about inconsolable screaming.  For HOURS.   I know it's just a phase but for some reason, at night, I feel so alone, pointless, and like a crap mom because I can't get her to stop.  Nothing I do helps her stop screaming, but based off what I've read about colic, that's normal.  Seriously though, it doesn't feel normal at 4am after listening to it for 4+ hours.  Really, if I could just figure out what makes her happy and calm down (just ordered a bouncy seat to see if she likes that) then I'd feel a little less like a failure where she's concerned.

Next stress - whooping cough is going around in our community.  And Britt just started coughing.   She's been tested (took her in to the doctor today), but we won't get results back until Thursday.  Meanwhile, the poor thing appears to have a respiratory infection and is on antibiotics (mostly for Elle's sake).

And I have to pack and move and pretend like I'm not dying of sleep deprivation and and and and!!!!!!

If this post makes you feel sad or depressed, I apologize.  Newborns are hard.  But they don't stay new forever.  And right now, I am very grateful for that.  :) 

playing in a puddle
(britt-britt playing in a puddle)

Well, here's me ending this blog on a positive note:

I'm grateful my husband is safe and sound and that he didn't kill anyone.

I'm grateful for Elle's growth and that she won't have colic for the rest of her life.

I'm grateful for Britt's sweet smile even when she is sick.

I'm grateful for Ash's growing vocabulary and all the funny things she says that make me laugh.

I'm grateful for my family because I'd be insane right now without their constant help.

I'm grateful we've got good car insurance.

I'm grateful for all the worldy possessions we have and am going to be seriously getting rid of a lot of it so I don't have to pack it!


Myrnie said...

You poor thing :(. That first year of baby is so physically demanding, and we expect soooo much of ourselves don't we? You're in survival mode- it's no wonder your thoughts went where they did- you're in charge of fixing so many things for those little girls, all day long!! Take care of yourself, hope you find something that helps Elle :( Two of my kids slept with me in a chair the first 3 months, then in their car seat for another few months. Being upright helped a lot.

Amy said...

Big hug!!!!

I'm so glad Tony is okay!

Venting's allowed, sweetie. You needed it today.
Another big hug.

mun said...

*Hug* Thank you for ending on a positive note by counting your blessings because I was starting to feel sad while reading your post.

Glad to hear that your spouse is ok.

My Journey With Candida said...

I feel your pain with your daughters colic. My daughter was a holy terror with it. I had to stop all foods and slowly add things until I figured out what she could and couldn't eat. Cows milk was a big problem for her and she hated soy... that was all the offered years ago, soy or cow. I had to force soy on her. Now I hear lots of kids have problems with soy too.....

Glad to hear hubby is okay

Rachel said...

My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it can be functioning on very little sleep. I really hope Elle's colic calms down soon! I'm also glad that your hubby is ok!

We will keep you in your prayers, especially during this stressful time!

The Frat Pack + Me said...

Oh gosh! {{{hugs for you friend!}}}} Newborn days are so very hard!

AudreyO said...

Colic..are you ok to drive in the middle of the night? My daughter had horrible colic and the car would put her sleep. I would drive her across town and back and then we'd both fall asleep when I got home.

Charlotte (Life's a Charm!) said...

I'm so sorry!

As for Elle's colic, I suggest you watch this video:
this is about the language that babies use. it's 15 minutes long, but it might just help you. (I really hope it will help you, as it helped my friend who struggled with her newborn baby boy's colic.)

Thank goodness, your hubby's accident wasn't worse...

I hope Brit recover soon. Has she been vaccinated?

alissa apel said...

Oh boy! I'm so sorry for all that's happening at once.

You are such a good mom and wife. Sometimes in times like this, you need to hear that.

I remember crying for hours after each boy was born because Mica couldn't latch and Isaak was latching wrong! It was painful, I felt like a horrible mom.

My oldest sister used to say, "If my baby won't stop crying, I'm taking her on a car ride." My niece that is now in high school went on lots of car rides.

With gas prices going up and one less car, not sure that's what you'll want to do.

I wonder if she could just use a relaxing bath in the middle of the night? My husband swears that swaddling is much of the answer. I thought bf worked the best.

Mica had colic. Isaak didn't. Mica got pretty bad and a few times I wouldn't wake up. Travis would try and wake me and I'd say in my sleep, "You feed him!" I was bf, so that was kind of out of his expertise.

I'm glad Tony's ok! Also glad you have insurance.

As far as moving goes, get Britt and Ash involved. Make it a game to pack their toys. When I moved a lot for college I read that rolling clothes is better than folding them. Less wrinkles occur and they take up less space. Also clothes and towels work great for protecting breakables. You have to pack them all anyhow. You might as well protect things with things that need to be packed. Instead of newspaper and packing peanuts that don't.

Emily Peck said...

So sorry that this happened to you! I'm glad you can find the positive in all of it...the car crash SUCKS but I feel you so hard on the colic..those were deep dark days with Sky and I really hope it doesn't happen again or I might go crazy. Here's hoping it all turns around soon! <3

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

OH girl, you have life x 4 of you and that is a blessing, but when it rains in a torrential way for too long...it's just tough. Sorry. :(

Faith said...

I'm so glad to hear that hubby is fine. I am sorry that things are hard right now and I wish I had the words to make it all better. Unfortunately I do not have the words so please hang in there. Thinking of you.

MommyMert said...

**Hugs** So so sorry. Sorry I called your friend out on FB, probably wasnt nice of me... Actually suprised I did it, its not like me, but I felt defensive of you. Thinking of you. Hope Tony is ok and back with you soon. My sil had colicy babies, and did the swing to sleep. Or was it the car seat... She did say how hard it was. :( Dunno if you tried the Gripe water?? I heard that helps. What has the dr said? Glad you were honest on your blog. I liked it. Honesty helps the rest of us feel like we can be honest too. **Hugs again**

Anonymous said...

So glad Tony is fine. I tend to worry too. I was really freaking out about my husband being laid off but then saw that God has a plan and so far everything is going okay. I get so crazy sometimes I have a hard time breathing. But everything will be okay.Just like you told me "this life is a process and God is refining us through these earthly experiences." Everything will be fine and just take one step at a time. Focus on the now.
As for colic. I've been through that with Adonis. He cried for about 3 months straight. My parents told me I was the same way but worse. We tried rocking him to sleep in a rocking chair. Jason was better at it then I was.
Apollo when he would cry I would just nurse him.
If you can take a nap in the daytime when Elle takes her nap that would be great for you. Even if you have to put the big girls for a nap also or let someone babysit them while you rest. I find that sleep is what I need most but is what I get least when they are that young. But I can function better when I rest.

Thalita Dol said...

Oh, my...
Newborns are hard. And Lilla was one of those harder ones too... I feel your pain.

Have you tried dr Karp's 5Ss? It was our miracle! Look for "the happiest baby on the block" DVD

many hugs to you!