Friday, June 3, 2011

Today I Watched My Kids Fight.

Everyone has their faults.  Even my perfect little angels. 

Ash has a hard time sharing (unless it was her idea or it's food).  And it would seem that Britt's sole purpose in life is to undue, knock down, tear up, and pull apart everything Ash does, builds, creates, and puts together.  I have intervened in their squabbles over and over and over and over and over again. 

Today Ash was trying to string beads.  Britt wanted to unstring these beads with all of her little, fat heart.  So she tried.  Ash protested - loudly.  Britt snatched a wooden bead and whacked Ash over the head with it.  Ash pushed Britt backwards onto her butt.  They both sat there bawling (in Ash's case) and screaming (in Britt's case) at each other.  Then they were done. 

I had to laugh.  I did decide that maybe we needed a break and took them to visit Nana after that.  But now I'm wondering - do I referee too much?  They are only 1 and 2.5 years old.  But can they work out more of their disagreements than I give them credit for?  Sure, I don't agree with their methods, but they aren't really listening or paying attention when I try to show them how to be more mature (ie., do it my way). 

I'm not saying that I think I should stop teaching them how work their problems out nor am I saying I won't model correct behavior anymore.  I'm just wondering if I should sit back and watch them a little more before I rush in a "save the day."

What do you think?

P.S.  No pic because I wasn't really thinking the brawling was a Kodak moment.


mun said...

Yes, I think you should sit back and only intervene to save them from "killing" each other. My mother used to just let my sister and I "fight" it out when we were young. Now we are ok but we still bicker a lot.

Myrnie said...

I don't don't develop skills like that till later. I referee if things start to escalate or if the girls are with me, but I don't rush across the house to break up every argument either.

MommyMert said...

I think I intervened a bit too much. Its hard not to. Especially sitting there listening to the crying. Now that they are 6 and 4, I sit back and let them fight it out a bit more until they come get me. Still hard though. No good answers. As side notes... I use allrecipes all the time, found some good ones at Martha, but really rely on good friends recipes they share. :) Watermelon yogurt looks not so good. I think the genderless child thing is actually harmful to the child and the parents are idiots. However, it does serve for a good experiment. I am eager to see the results of. Still though, I think they are idiots. I love your faces. And diaper at dance class! HA! AWESOME! (Hopefully this comment works, it keeps not letting me comment.)

Amy said...

Wish I could help, but I have little experience on the matter. I get sick of intervening when my nieces and nephews fight though. For what it's worth, I would only intervene if someone's going to get hurt.

Milk and Honey Mommy said...


I like your play-by-play. You know, we never want out kids to fight, but I think that sometimes allowing them to "work it out" themselves is a good idea. Since you were in the room w/them, at least you were able to referee in case things really got out of hand.

Redbabe said...

Hmmm.................... no comment ;)

alissa4illustration said...

I have the same problem at my house. It's worse when we have our nephews over here! They are a different breed then our kids, so it's interesting.

We let them handle themselves up to a point. Isaak likes to throw just about anything, so we have to butt in. Otherwise he'd hurt Mica. Isaak is an instigator. Mica tries to protect himself by blocking or pushing his brother.

Today Isaak threatened to throw a plastic marble track piece. Mica pushed Isaak. Isaak cried. Isaak thinks Mommy will rescue him. I walked over, took the marble track piece. Then I put them both in time-out. Mica went in time-out for handling the situation wrong, and Isaak for potentially throwing. Then they got talked to about how they need to be nice to one another and how each of them are important to me. They had to hug one another. No one wants either one of them to get hurt!

When they were younger we re-directed them a lot. Just got them something new to do. It seemed to solve the fight. My mom told me a long time ago that you have to pick your battles. If they are not harming each other, I just re-directed them.

If they are harming one another they get a time-out. Even at age 2 time-out worked for us. Mica used to sit in the time-out chair and discuss what he did wrong. It was so funny!

I do discipline in other ways. Mica was slamming his bedroom door, so he got his door removed. Isaak's fingers actually got slammed in the door a few years ago. He had been warned, so off his door went. He got it back, started slamming it again and we removed it again. We've taken TV away, or certain toy's that are the root of a problem.

We don't spank, mainly because I think that encourages hitting.

Charlotte (Life's a Charm!) said...

Honestly, i find it hilarious when my kids fight, Matthew(4) and Mark(13-months)! Mark always sits on whatever Matthew is playing with and the fight begins, but Matthew is old enough to understand that if he doesn't want Mark to mess around him, he needs to walk away to where Mark can't follow (beyond the baby-proof gate), but this doesn't mean Mark wouldn't try to follow his big brother.

I don't think I intervene much, i intervene when Matthew comes and tells me what Mark did. And I tell him to talk to his baby brother what he wants him to do. Otherwise, I just watch, listen and observe. As young as they are, they seem to work it out!

Vicky said...

My kids still fight. I'm completely fed up of refereeing in their petty squabbles. If you find a solution please let me know. x

Aunt LoLo said...

I only intervene if they're in the room with me..because the noise is annoying. HAHAHA