Thursday, May 19, 2011

Today I Pulled Weeds.

The poor arugula has never been weeded.  It grew really nicely anyways though.  Today was the first time I've weeded any garden in a very loooooong time.  I'd been avoiding it because when I was in my early teens my dad would make me weed and I hated it.  Yes, hated.

Little Helper
(my little helper.  not!  i couldn't even get her to pick up and hold the gloves for a picture.)

 I was pleasantly surprised that though weeding is hard on the knees, it's actually less of a chore and more of a calming, peaceful exercise.  It felt meditative.  I loved it.  And the girls enjoyed running around in the sun while I had some quiet time.  Lovely.

(my real helper is in the background, dutifully watering the beds.  britt is clapping her hands with an auntie, whom you obviously can't see in this pic)

 I thought about how I should do some inner weeding.  I thought about a little incident we had this morning.    I was a lot less than perfect mommy.  I haven't been sleeping well (remember, sore throat/coughing) and so am pretty tired, plus I never go to bed before midnight.  Tired and me don't work well together.  It doesn't help that I may be a bit hormonal at the moment.  It also is unfortunate that Britt is getting her fangs, causing her to be extremely grouchy.  And then Ash decided to be whiney.  All of these on top of a huge snafoo with PayPal this morning and we were late getting out the door to music class.  Ash was whining, lost her balance, bonked her head (not hard, I might add), and started crying.  Britt was already screeching.  I was at my wits end.  I shouted at both of them.  I hate yelling more than I hated pulling weeds as an adolescent.  I wish I could say I was immediately sorry and contrite.  I wasn't.  I rushed them brusquely out the door and didn't even say sorry until Britt was in her car seat.  Then I turned around to see to the look on Ash's face.  She was so sad and having shoe malfunctions AND she didn't even ask for help (she always asks for help when she can't make something work).  So obviously I was Scary Mommy.  I saw that trembling lip and looked at myself through her watery eyes and I did NOT like what I saw.  This is when I decided being late was worth saying sorry, helping her with her shoes, and showing her that I loved her and didn't mean to be a mean mother.  She is such a sweety and super quick to forgive and forget.  **thankful**

(wanting me to pick her up.  as per usual.)

 I need to work on patience.  I need to weed the vices of temper, crabbiness, and the habit of staying up late (doesn't help with the tired part) out of myself.  My children need me to do this too.  Starting today, I am going to put this weeding at the top of my daily to-do list.   Wish me luck!


Thalita Dol said...

Hi Jamie!
I can totally relate. I wrote about the same thing a couple of days ago. May God guide us in His Love, so we can be the mommys He wants us to be!

many hugs from Brazil!

Faith said...

it happens to the best of us! the best part is that at the end Ash didn't go to bed thinking that you were Scary Mommy.

but weeding sounds like a good idea ... i might even have to do some weeding ... in our backyard and in my life.

MommyMert said...

Ooof... one of those Mommy moments I have that I like to wish wouldnt happen either. I agree with the lack of sleep not helping. Try putting some Vicks on your feet. There was a study recently connecting the feet to the body, etc... and they said when you are having issues like that (Colds, etc...) vicks on the feet helps. I tried it and it worked for me. If it doesnt, you arent out anything but stinky feet. ;) Dont be too hard on yourself (I myself wear two buttons... they have the words guilt and shame printed on them.) but we all have moments like this... The important part was that you said sorry, gave them love, and recognized. You will catch yourself quicker next time. **Loves**

Amy said...

I need to do some "weeding" too. Fantastic post! And I agree that weeding a garden can be therapeutic if you let it.

Only thing I don't agree on: that picture of Britt-Britt. She didn't have to be holding those garden gloves. Just having her stare down at them is absolute perfection!! SO CUTE!!

Michelle @Flying Giggles said...

I think staying up late is my problem too. It sounds like you needed a relaxing weeding session. As mothers, I think we are always too hard on ourselves, so judgmental and always second guessing.

I LOVE the photos...beautiful!

Charlotte (Life's a Charm!) said...

I certainly have those moments when frustrations, tired body, and all you have mentioned took the best of me, used my scariest face, my scariest voice and regretted it afterwards. Sigh! I'm sorry you have to experience it too, but it was okay in the end.

I hope you'll feel better soon!

Just Bits and Pieces said...

What a good way to think of it...."weeding". I need to do that too. I actually get up a good half hour before I expect the kids to get up (currently it's around 5:30-5:45...yuck) to have a few minutes to myself. To read, blog, watch a bit of a show, drink my coffee & get my bearings. My biggest problem is the fighting between Lily & ends up making me yell. He hits her daily....and although I believe she baits's still not ok. It's never ok. And he doesn't deal with the time-outs well...So I'm going to try this weeding in my life and see if I can somehow change this cycle...good luck with yours!

alissa4illustration said...

I'm sure pulling weeds didn't help your allergies as well! :( I get scratches all over my legs when I pull them. I found out it was an allergic skin reaction from the blades of grass. It really looks like a cat scratched all over my legs.

I've been moody too. I haven't blown, but have felt like it. Scratch that! I did blow. I forgot. Isaak was crying and screaming in the car all the way to my sister's house saying {this is crazy}, "My butt itches!" I just blew after 7 min. of listening to it! I think it's the strawberries he's been newly eating for the season. But I went off saying, "Isaak if you wouldn't poop your pants while laying in bed, then your butt wouldn't itch." Crazy parent talk! He's really lazy, and will just go while laying in bed. I wish he would stop that!