Monday, July 18, 2011

Today I Thought and Worried.

Day 18 of the 30 Day Challenge:  A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Well, to be honest, I seriously considered posting a picture of my belly.  I've never had a super flat tummy and I've always felt insecure about it, but to be frank - I couldn't care less about it right now. 

walking at the park
(ash, when she was learning to walk.  9 months.)

My biggest insecurity is probably my mothering.  I'm forever stewing and fretting.  Am I doing this right?  Do they get enough protein?  Do I give them too many snacks?  Am I too soft on them?  Am I too strict?  Did I give them enough attention today?  Should I be teaching them more?  Am I setting the right example?  I really didn't mean to yell..... Do I spend too much on their clothes (yes)?  How can I help them overcome their challenges when my own seem so insurmountable?  I failed at potty training.  Am I going to fail at everything else the first time too?  Should I give in or not?  Is this the battle I should pick or lose?  I forgot to call her doctor about that question again!!!!  Why can't I remember anything?  Should I be giving their days more structure?  Am I doing enough?  AM I enough?  Am I really cut out for this job?  This is a lot of responsibility!! 

A lot of the time I feel like the above.  But just as much as I feel inadequate, I also feel cool, calm, semi-collected and genuinely happy about my mothering and how my kids are doing.  It's definitely a merry-go-round. 


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11 comments:

Kristina said...

Ditto, ditto, ditto! Just know that I feel the same way, and with many more questions since my little boy is starting school, husband starting byu, not working, moving back to the valley, and expecting another one. Am I just as insane. Lol! Love ya.

Just Bits and Pieces said...

Oh gosh is it ever a merry go round!!! Follow your heart....you'll go down the path that's right for all of you!

Ash said...

I hear ya! SO NOT EASY! Glad to know there are women out there who feel the same way :)

MommyMert said...

Wow. Yes... Mothering is so hard. Its amazing how I can look at other Mothers and give them so much more leeway and credit for the efforts they are making but expect perfection about myself about something I have never done before. However, I think YOU are doing a superb job. Potty training is one of those things that when they are ready and its the right time... it will happen quickly. Dont be so hard on yourself. (Easier said than done. ;) )Its always amuses me to think back on what I thought would be hard as a Mother and what I think is hard now.

mun said...

From what I read here, you are definitely the best mother ever for you love your children so very much!

alissa4illustration said...

I think all those feelings are normal.

I felt like my mom was perfect and could do no wrong. Then when I look back, she yelled. She also would spend a lot of time just sitting in the car in the garage when something one of us did bothered her. That includes her wondering if they should hold me back in school. They didn't. I was slow when I was younger and never tested well, but went on to grad school.

I think every parent struggles with those thoughts.

Some of the small concerns bother us the most. Like right now I'm thinking Mica should know how to tie his shoes. He'll be 6 in Aug. For some reason tying shoes is hard. With Isaak I want him to know his letters like Mica did at his age. Not every kid is the same. Isaak is much better with cutting and coloring; when Mica wouldn't even attempt those things at Isaak's age.

Somehow things work out. I think if you love and show love to your kids, that's what matters the most!

PS I've always had a belly! It's never been flat.

Keya said...

Same here. Especially with my first child. I never know if I'm parenting right. Lot's of trials and tribulations. I guess we'll get the hang of it.

Myrnie said...

Ugh. I'm there with you!! We can totally do this :)

Faith said...

i have a feeling this will be my thoughts in the future ... best thing for me is that i will know that it is perfectly normal to have these questions.

Milk and Honey Mommy said...

Jamie,

The fact that you're even concerned should be a bit of confidence that you are doing something right because it means that you are always looking for ways to improve. None of us are perfect and mothering is a very hard job, BUT I love it and you really seem to also.

Vicky said...

We all feel like that Jamie. Mothering is one big rollercoaster ride.